Lark was adamant that he wouldn't be punishing me. And did say that he'd have the locks improved and some additional security put on my library. I wasn't in the mood to have your furry friend steal something and 'frame' you for something to try and get you demoted.
Yes, but it doesn't roll off the tongue quite so well.
[ He'll give his hand a squeeze. ]
I did try to get him to do something to reprimand me for it but he wouldn't even tell someone something technically true. So I gave up and came when called.
I wasn't looking for you to get in trouble and it's not like I don't get why you did what you did, but-
[He has to swallow the 'I'm always Cross' joke because this is supposed to be serious and instead he just starts walking with a tug of Vincent's hands behind him.]
You're not wrong. I'm... upset, to put it lightly.
[Hanna isn't looking at him, as if that will make this any easier.]
I get it. I have a history of not advocating for myself, and I'm sure that proving to me that you will if I won't felt like a good option, but we've talked about choices before, right? [Going off on his own and getting in trouble takes Vincent's choice away, just like going and making a decision that directly effects him without letting him know until it's done does the same thing.]
So where am I in this? I'm picking up the pieces, and stuck with them after the punishment is done. [He stops, frowning at the gravel walk and looks back at Vincent. It's not like he's said much about it since it happened, in fact he's not said a word, but that's on attempting to cope.] I haven't even- I'm not over what he did, and yet here I am, trying my best so it doesn't swing right back on you.
That's so much more labor when I was already struggling with it.
[ Vincent nods, acknowledging, not ignoring this in the least. He hadn't thought this was a simple fix, hadn't thought this would be clean or 'fun' or easy. None of those things get to be true when you actually care about people, and suffice to say that he cares a great deal about Hanna. More than he's cared about anyone for quite some time. ]
I decided to do this before you were burned alive. [ He looks over at Hanna. ] It was when you had your legs savaged. What I saw then. How you reacted, what your priorities were. I've seen it before.
[ He'd seen it for most of his life. ]
Your death was just the proof I needed to seal the deal. The fact that you were assigned to that- [ deep. breathes ] inmate when he had a history of abusing you is not something that made this easier. But it did make it more necessary.
Because despite what you say, you haven't told or shown me anything to make me believe that you take the problem seriously... except to make faces when I get frustrated or insist that you are. You hide, or make excuses for him, or try to minimize what I can know about what he's done. You haven't mentioned talking to anyone. You haven't mentioned working with anyone for any safeguards, magical or mundane, and do recall that I was working on this with Sokie. You have left me with the sum total of 'trust me, bro' for assurances that the person who is, frankly, the most important to me on this fucking ship isn't having his abundant empathy used in some way to allow him to be harmed either invisibly or in secret in a situation that has no further oversight from anyone.
[ A sigh. ]
I want him to swing at me. That's the flipside of 'if you won't, I will', Hanna. I know, for certain, you will consider a threat to me a threat and not just something to be 'handled' so he can 'blow off some steam'.
[He most definitely is making a face now. And while yes, he has definitely discounted and hid and attempted to explain away everything that had happened before, he had no authority to change it then.
He started their little feud on behalf of Edwin, and while it would be like trying to pull teeth, he can admit that it had some from the same place. He didn't trust Edwin to take the Cat King seriously, and so he waited for him to swing hard enough where Edwin could no longer ignore everything he was desperately trying to show him.
But then Edwin disappeared, and the Cat King started swinging. Instead of presenting it to the person he'd done it for, he'd just had to try and hide it from Vincent. It solved nothing, was pointless and just made a big sticky mess that snowballed into this.
God damnit.]
If he tries to hurt anyone, even in self defense, he's incapable at the moment. I- I didn't tell you because I haven't told him either.
And I don't know if I can sincerely apologize for keeping any of the shit I've been doing to declaw him a secret, because it's... part of it is for me, and I have no idea what to do with that? I just-
[He sets his jaw and takes in a deep breath, staring out at the sea.]
I thought 'trust me, bro' and promising I would try to be different was enough. But it obviously wasn't. You worried anyways, and didn't believe me enough that you felt forcing my hand was your only option.
God- all of this sucks, you know that right? Like, deeply and majorly sucks.
I trust you with literally every other life on this ship but your own. Not because I don't want to. Not even because I doubt your commitment, Hanna. But people like him know how to use people like you.
[He rubs at his mouth, can understand how he got there, because it's true. He's not got a track record that shows he's good at taking care with his own life.]
Yeah, yeah. My glaring weakness hole is open game, but you didn't even let me try and prove it to you after I promised. You trusted his ability to be an unrepentant asshole more.
[This back and forth could go on forever, really. And while he'd come into this thinking just about what Vincent had done, he's aware now it's not just a him problem.]
Something here has to change, because this doesnt- it's not right and if we're constantly worrying about each other because of our own stupid, self justified behavior, then we're not on the same page, and I don't want to be hiding things from you, or you hiding shit from me for the rest of forever.
I might be a fucking newb at relationships, but I'm pretty sure that's not how they're supposed to go, and I want it to, you know? Go somewhere that's good for both of us...
It's not, no. [ A breath out. ] And the problem with 'waiting for you to prove it' is that it involves, potentially, letting you get hurt again.
[ His shoulders sink a little in, if not submission then at least agreement. ]
Trust is built. So if you tell me something, I will do my best to tell you my misgivings and give you a chance to address them. The opposite to this being that you trust that what you tell me goes no further. And it won't.
[He looks down at their linked hands, gently swings them a moment before nodding slowly.] Well doesn't that sound grown up of us. I don't have any problem with that, I think?
But I am serious about no more doing shit on my behalf without involving me in it. Especially if it's going to turn into a whole fucking shit show.
[He was snooty at Vincent Valentine for you, Vin. All tall, dark and disappointed at him for it too.]
You take that back! Yoshi is the best! He's the cutest little dinosaur ever...I cannot believe you.
[He will start to walk again though, all is well in the world of Hanna it seems, despite all the problems that lay outside of the enclosure that he's choosing not to think about right now.]
That's nothing to be ashamed of. She's got her whole kingdom and a bunch of subjects who love her. That and she's kind of a badass. You know, we should play Mario 64 sometime, that'd be kind of fun.
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Lark was adamant that he wouldn't be punishing me. And did say that he'd have the locks improved and some additional security put on my library. I wasn't in the mood to have your furry friend steal something and 'frame' you for something to try and get you demoted.
[ He'll hold out his hand for Hanna. ]
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[He'll look at that hand for a short moment before taking it, using it to rise to his feet, not letting go when he's up.]
And he's not- we're not friends. He's my responsibility, regardless of how we both feel about it.
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[ He'll give his hand a squeeze. ]
I did try to get him to do something to reprimand me for it but he wouldn't even tell someone something technically true. So I gave up and came when called.
[ He looks to Hanna. ]
I assume you're cross with me. Am I wrong?
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[He has to swallow the 'I'm always Cross' joke because this is supposed to be serious and instead he just starts walking with a tug of Vincent's hands behind him.]
You're not wrong. I'm... upset, to put it lightly.
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Well, go on.]
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I get it. I have a history of not advocating for myself, and I'm sure that proving to me that you will if I won't felt like a good option, but we've talked about choices before, right? [Going off on his own and getting in trouble takes Vincent's choice away, just like going and making a decision that directly effects him without letting him know until it's done does the same thing.]
So where am I in this? I'm picking up the pieces, and stuck with them after the punishment is done. [He stops, frowning at the gravel walk and looks back at Vincent. It's not like he's said much about it since it happened, in fact he's not said a word, but that's on attempting to cope.] I haven't even- I'm not over what he did, and yet here I am, trying my best so it doesn't swing right back on you.
That's so much more labor when I was already struggling with it.
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I decided to do this before you were burned alive. [ He looks over at Hanna. ] It was when you had your legs savaged. What I saw then. How you reacted, what your priorities were. I've seen it before.
[ He'd seen it for most of his life. ]
Your death was just the proof I needed to seal the deal. The fact that you were assigned to that- [ deep. breathes ] inmate when he had a history of abusing you is not something that made this easier. But it did make it more necessary.
Because despite what you say, you haven't told or shown me anything to make me believe that you take the problem seriously... except to make faces when I get frustrated or insist that you are. You hide, or make excuses for him, or try to minimize what I can know about what he's done. You haven't mentioned talking to anyone. You haven't mentioned working with anyone for any safeguards, magical or mundane, and do recall that I was working on this with Sokie. You have left me with the sum total of 'trust me, bro' for assurances that the person who is, frankly, the most important to me on this fucking ship isn't having his abundant empathy used in some way to allow him to be harmed either invisibly or in secret in a situation that has no further oversight from anyone.
[ A sigh. ]
I want him to swing at me. That's the flipside of 'if you won't, I will', Hanna. I know, for certain, you will consider a threat to me a threat and not just something to be 'handled' so he can 'blow off some steam'.
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He started their little feud on behalf of Edwin, and while it would be like trying to pull teeth, he can admit that it had some from the same place. He didn't trust Edwin to take the Cat King seriously, and so he waited for him to swing hard enough where Edwin could no longer ignore everything he was desperately trying to show him.
But then Edwin disappeared, and the Cat King started swinging. Instead of presenting it to the person he'd done it for, he'd just had to try and hide it from Vincent. It solved nothing, was pointless and just made a big sticky mess that snowballed into this.
God damnit.]
If he tries to hurt anyone, even in self defense, he's incapable at the moment. I- I didn't tell you because I haven't told him either.
And I don't know if I can sincerely apologize for keeping any of the shit I've been doing to declaw him a secret, because it's... part of it is for me, and I have no idea what to do with that? I just-
[He sets his jaw and takes in a deep breath, staring out at the sea.]
I thought 'trust me, bro' and promising I would try to be different was enough. But it obviously wasn't. You worried anyways, and didn't believe me enough that you felt forcing my hand was your only option.
God- all of this sucks, you know that right? Like, deeply and majorly sucks.
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Oh. Believe me. I am well aware.
[ He sighs and lets out a deeeeeeep breath. ]
I trust you with literally every other life on this ship but your own. Not because I don't want to. Not even because I doubt your commitment, Hanna. But people like him know how to use people like you.
Every Deathstar has an exhaust port.
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Yeah, yeah. My glaring weakness hole is open game, but you didn't even let me try and prove it to you after I promised. You trusted his ability to be an unrepentant asshole more.
[This back and forth could go on forever, really. And while he'd come into this thinking just about what Vincent had done, he's aware now it's not just a him problem.]
Something here has to change, because this doesnt- it's not right and if we're constantly worrying about each other because of our own stupid, self justified behavior, then we're not on the same page, and I don't want to be hiding things from you, or you hiding shit from me for the rest of forever.
I might be a fucking newb at relationships, but I'm pretty sure that's not how they're supposed to go, and I want it to, you know? Go somewhere that's good for both of us...
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[ His shoulders sink a little in, if not submission then at least agreement. ]
Trust is built. So if you tell me something, I will do my best to tell you my misgivings and give you a chance to address them. The opposite to this being that you trust that what you tell me goes no further. And it won't.
Would you say that's fair?
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But I am serious about no more doing shit on my behalf without involving me in it. Especially if it's going to turn into a whole fucking shit show.
[He was snooty at Vincent Valentine for you, Vin. All tall, dark and disappointed at him for it too.]
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The point of putting this much effort in was so that I didn't have to do it again.
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[You know, to try and avoid stupid shit he might normally walk right into, ans hopefully pull you out of firing range while he's at it.]
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Good. Settled. Now, did you want to be angry with me for a while or am I getting a tour?
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You can have a tour, but I reserve the right to hold this against you for funsies like, once or twice in the future.
And I call Yoshi for the next month in all possible Mario ventures. [He strikes a hard bargain, he knows.]
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Right reserved. And of course you can have your inferior Mario Kart choices. I certainly won't get in the way.
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You take that back! Yoshi is the best! He's the cutest little dinosaur ever...I cannot believe you.
[He will start to walk again though, all is well in the world of Hanna it seems, despite all the problems that lay outside of the enclosure that he's choosing not to think about right now.]
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That's a very strange way to pronounce 'Peach', you know.
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Of course you'd go Peach. Next time we get to a decent port I'm going to try and find you a ridiculous parasol. It can brighten up your library.
[Along with the bits of papercraft that is presented in all the colors of the rainbow.]
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[ He means the last part, at least. ]
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That's nothing to be ashamed of. She's got her whole kingdom and a bunch of subjects who love her. That and she's kind of a badass. You know, we should play Mario 64 sometime, that'd be kind of fun.
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...Yoshi. Really, Hanna. How could you?
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