[ The fact that Arthur knows what he knows and still used the concept of 'reordering of thoughts', of what could easily be construed the wrong way. The earnestness with which Arthur has always conducted himself does the heavy lifting. Combined with the care he takes with his words, it's a convincing argument. ]
I see.
[ Not a blow off. An acknowledgement of processing going on. ]
[He hears it for the acknowledgment as he is, and in some small part he's grateful for his own rigid self-standards, that Vincent can pick up immediately that he is genuine.]
As an example - during my inmate tenure, I found that I was... holding myself responsible, for crimes that others had committed against me. The idea that if I had been... smarter, somehow, more clever or able to see, that I might have spotted the traps I was walking into. That I was responsible for the way information was deliberately hidden from me, or was impossible to reasonably predict or even comprehend. A-and it took some time, even after realising the way that idea was hurting me, to accept it.
[He gives a soft huff.] The fact that it was somehow healing was secondary to the fact that it was something core to the way I saw myself, that turned out to be fundamentally untrue - that was what needed restructuring. Not seeing it as pain, but as something causing pain. And unfortunately, sometimes the problem is the way our own minds rebel against us.
I think that what I've said may have resonance with you. Perhaps not the exact details, but you're intelligent enough to read between the lines and see how certain angles might line up. Or where denying them might be... in some way deliberately lying to yourself.
[Team Religious Orphans, apparently.]
And I think that the parts that don't... despite the fact your god is real, that doesn't change the nature of punishment, in your world. That there is worship in the hardships they made you endure. There is no good reason to legitimise cruelty, especially towards a child. We did not deserve to be punished for existing in a way that angered these- fragile-ego'd, human men and women.
No, I suppose we didn't. And yet, it happened. And yet, it was allowed to continue to happen. And all of those fragile-ego'd men and women were allowed to continue to have money and power and do what they did.
It's enough to make you wonder what I want to leave for anyway.
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Re: After talking with Lark
I see.
[ Not a blow off. An acknowledgement of processing going on. ]
Re: After talking with Lark
As an example - during my inmate tenure, I found that I was... holding myself responsible, for crimes that others had committed against me. The idea that if I had been... smarter, somehow, more clever or able to see, that I might have spotted the traps I was walking into. That I was responsible for the way information was deliberately hidden from me, or was impossible to reasonably predict or even comprehend. A-and it took some time, even after realising the way that idea was hurting me, to accept it.
[He gives a soft huff.] The fact that it was somehow healing was secondary to the fact that it was something core to the way I saw myself, that turned out to be fundamentally untrue - that was what needed restructuring. Not seeing it as pain, but as something causing pain. And unfortunately, sometimes the problem is the way our own minds rebel against us.
Re: After talking with Lark
Do you think that's the case with me? Given... your experience.
[ And what if you'd found out you were right? ]
Re: After talking with Lark
[Team Religious Orphans, apparently.]
And I think that the parts that don't... despite the fact your god is real, that doesn't change the nature of punishment, in your world. That there is worship in the hardships they made you endure. There is no good reason to legitimise cruelty, especially towards a child. We did not deserve to be punished for existing in a way that angered these- fragile-ego'd, human men and women.
Re: After talking with Lark
It's enough to make you wonder what I want to leave for anyway.