"You can just ask why I'm upset, Lark. You don't need to treat me like a child. I'm not a child."
Sometimes he feels like the only one. That would suit him, wouldn't it?
"And if you must know, I won't make you work for it. I was just reminded why I am here. That's all."
He waves a hand airily before swirling it all the way down.
"I had all these lovely discussions with people about a life after this place, about a new place to live, a purpose, where I could use my skills. Three job offers! If you can believe that. And then, I was reminded of the fact that I am in Hell. That I will never leave. And that no matter where I go, my God will have her way with me."
"Do I know she doesn't exist there?" He looks to Lark pointedly. "Has every person gone to that area of Maine and made sure my God isn't there?"
He waves a hand dramatically.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. From the earth we come and to the earth we return. I am Her earth, part of what She claims, and that is all She needs, apparently."
"Just a little reminder," he says with a grin that's... unhealthy. He shakes some of that off. It's one thing to be theatrical, another to actually show what's bothering you. Hanna can see those things. But Hanna is
"Have you ever had deja vu that felt like an attack?" A laugh. "Or like a banana peel under your shoe. That's what happened, Lark. Nothing serious. Nothing... actionable."
He tips his head. "I have. I often felt that way when I was an inmate. I feel that way sometimes even now. But spell it out for me, Vincent. What happened?"
"Why?" A raised eyebrow to come with it. "So you can explain it away? Tell me that I'm reading too far into it. That I'm seeing things I'm not seeing?"
A scornful laugh.
"I grew up among believers, Lark, I know skepticism, I amthe skeptic. But I can acknowledge power." A quick flick of a grimace. "I know what teeth at my throat feels like. Or a boot."
"No. Because something has clearly hurt you, and I want to understand what it is. Because I want to know about gods and what being helpless like that is like." He holds up a hand. "I promise just to listen. But help me understand. Please."
That's a laugh. That's... that's a laugh and a shake of his head and something manic and bright as he shakes again.
"I'm fine. I. am. perfectly fine. I had my moment to imagine something else and now I have my feet firmly back on the ground."
He waves that off. Hmm. He wants to understand? Well, he will do his best.
"Tell me what you understand about Claudia from the file you read. Claudia, my 'high priestess', our holy mother. My friend since childhood. Let's start there. We have to start there, you see."
A friend since childhood, when Vincent had been conditioned to be wary of having friends at all. "I know she killed you. I know she was a fanatic and it led her to betray you after you had worked together."
He considers a moment. "I'm angry she killed you. As far as I can tell, you have done nothing to deserve betrayal. And I'm wary, as a rule, of zealots. But I don't have a clear opinion of her beyond that."
"I was in the way of her plans and I put Alessa, or 'Heather' if you will," and he clearly Does Not have any good will for 'Heather' either, less than Claudia in fact, "in position to kill her to prevent the rebirth of our God. Of course, I wouldn't have done any of it if she'd listened to me, but she was trying to bring Paradise. Why would she listen to a mortal man with her desires so close to fruition?"
Yeah, the look in Vincent's eyes says he feels just about as confident about 'paradise' as Lark does. He doesn't divert, even if it sounds like he is.
"Why do you think I'm here, Lark?"
He turns a hand.
"Honestly. I want your honest opinion, please. Don't be 'kind', don't be 'understanding', don't be complimentary. Why am I here, in your estimation? Given your great and longstanding experience on the Barge? Why?"
That's a hard question. In general he tries not to guess at the Admiral's mind. But he has seen enough to have suspicions.
"Because you were trapped unfairly by your God, you were railroaded into it from birth, and the Admiral wants to give you a shot at freedom. It pains me to say anything complimentary about him, but I've seen cases similar to yours play out before. I've seen that sometimes the only way out is a death and then a rebirth through graduation. I think he's honestly trying to give you a shot at a life out of your God's way."
Not... what he meant. Or what he expected. He glances over at Lark, clearly thrown, before he shakes that off and heaves a dramatic sigh.
"Rather funny, don't you think? A warden who hates the Admiral, assigned to a priest who... while dutiful, of course, certainly has disagreements with his God."
He breathes out.
"And if that was the case, wouldn't he have asked me if I wished to be a warden? There's quite a bit more freedom in, well... freedom."
"You've been through a lot. Through hell. You've lived in a version of it. I think, Vincent, that he wants you to heal a little before he offers you a deal as a warden. It's not always about punishment or retribution."
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He waves it off with a crooked grin.
"I had a squabble with Hanna. Nothing concerning."
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"Not the fight with Hanna. That's already been concluded."
A brittle smile.
"Because it's been wrong my entire life. Why should it be different in my death? Strange of me to think different."
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"You can just ask why I'm upset, Lark. You don't need to treat me like a child. I'm not a child."
Sometimes he feels like the only one. That would suit him, wouldn't it?
"And if you must know, I won't make you work for it. I was just reminded why I am here. That's all."
He waves a hand airily before swirling it all the way down.
"I had all these lovely discussions with people about a life after this place, about a new place to live, a purpose, where I could use my skills. Three job offers! If you can believe that. And then, I was reminded of the fact that I am in Hell. That I will never leave. And that no matter where I go, my God will have her way with me."
He shakes that off.
"I'll be fine by tomorrow."
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"Why do you think your God will find you where she doesn't exist?"
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He waves a hand dramatically.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. From the earth we come and to the earth we return. I am Her earth, part of what She claims, and that is all She needs, apparently."
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"Have you ever had deja vu that felt like an attack?" A laugh. "Or like a banana peel under your shoe. That's what happened, Lark. Nothing serious. Nothing... actionable."
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"Why?" A raised eyebrow to come with it. "So you can explain it away? Tell me that I'm reading too far into it. That I'm seeing things I'm not seeing?"
A scornful laugh.
"I grew up among believers, Lark, I know skepticism, I am the skeptic. But I can acknowledge power." A quick flick of a grimace. "I know what teeth at my throat feels like. Or a boot."
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That's a laugh. That's... that's a laugh and a shake of his head and something manic and bright as he shakes again.
"I'm fine. I. am. perfectly fine. I had my moment to imagine something else and now I have my feet firmly back on the ground."
He waves that off. Hmm. He wants to understand? Well, he will do his best.
"Tell me what you understand about Claudia from the file you read. Claudia, my 'high priestess', our holy mother. My friend since childhood. Let's start there. We have to start there, you see."
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"And what do you think of her?"
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"Why do you think I'm here, Lark?"
He turns a hand.
"Honestly. I want your honest opinion, please. Don't be 'kind', don't be 'understanding', don't be complimentary. Why am I here, in your estimation? Given your great and longstanding experience on the Barge? Why?"
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"Because you were trapped unfairly by your God, you were railroaded into it from birth, and the Admiral wants to give you a shot at freedom. It pains me to say anything complimentary about him, but I've seen cases similar to yours play out before. I've seen that sometimes the only way out is a death and then a rebirth through graduation. I think he's honestly trying to give you a shot at a life out of your God's way."
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"Rather funny, don't you think? A warden who hates the Admiral, assigned to a priest who... while dutiful, of course, certainly has disagreements with his God."
He breathes out.
"And if that was the case, wouldn't he have asked me if I wished to be a warden? There's quite a bit more freedom in, well... freedom."
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"Right. Yes. Healing."
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