"You mean I can't just forget I said that at all and continue to pretend that I am immune to fear?" Because count yourself special, Vincent. That 'F' word in particular and any accusation of is generally a good way to set off his defensive temper.
It feels strange admitting it outloud. "Because that sounds like the better option."
"An opinion you don't actually hold, because if you did, you wouldn't be still talking about this," he says mildly, and he'll give Hanna's arm a light squeeze. "Besides, however are you going to be genuine for the Cat King if you can't be genuine in the privacy of your own home with someone willing to pet sit with no warning?"
"In a perfect world, it would be." But that doesn't exist.
And also- "Oh my god...you did do that again, didn't you?" Hanna says having forgot he had pets for the last twenty minutes. This is why he needed pets that don't actually require food to live.
"And who is beholden to how cute you are, especially when your eyes get very big as you remember you have pets," he says fondly, "and is willing to forgive you."
"Don't tell my sons, they'll never let me live it down." They would though, with those little black eyes of theirs and no thoughts in their little heads.
He sputters a little, pushing at Vincent with little effort as he pretends he doesn't enjoy it, "Okay, Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it, and maybe I'm scared because I might go through all the effort and motions to fix it, a-and ask for help, bother someone and then it doesn't fucking work and I've not only got my own hopes up, I've wasted someones time." Which he adds in one, quick breath.
"The idea that you won't be able to find a solution when you're on a boat with half a dozen gods and immortal sorcerers and a library to rival Alexandria," he says with a little huff, "is probably the most impossible thing I've heard all week."
"Fear, which is still stupid and not something I feel very often, isn't always rational, okay?"
He knows both Sokie and Erskine well enough that he's sure between the two of them there could be a solution. Hell, Bashir and Tendi could probably help him the same way Worth could and just grow him some new fucking organs, but peaking behind the curtain of 'what if it fails' reveals the quieter fear of putting himself first and doing so for an extended period of time.
"Which is why I get to be," he says back and he punctuates the comment with a little squeeze. He'll be here, through the real problems and the imaginary ones.
"Maybe add a little whimsy in there too, cause you deserve it." And he isn't sure he functions well on completely rational thought.
He will lean forward and give him a kiss though, bumping noses with him, "might be nice though, show off a little collarbone without flashing a staple."
"Oh, I'm sure the scar I'd be left with is enough spice for most people. Not like I want to just erase that it happened at all..." No, it would still be there, just not as an open wound.
"Maybe that's why we get on so well. We've got that shit nailed over all the doors and windows like a barricade."
"Mm, I think maybe you were, you brought it up." He teases, pretty sure he generally didn't much care what other people thought of him except on the delicate moments where he did. That shit was complicated.
"I could argue you could do something harrowing without fear and not be stupid, but then you have to look at experience. But I really am not the person to be arguing my own case for stupidity versus bravery." He's gotten worlds better than where he started, but impulse still fuels him despite the fact that he does actually ask for help these days.
"No, you are not," and that's punctuated with a kiss. But he breathes out slowly before shrugging. It's not really something he's all that inclined to argue about.
"Hmmmm." He draws it out as he leans back into nothing, arms looped around his neck to keep from falling off his lap.
There definitely is, but he'd been a little too afraid to ask before. It feels less scary now, though scary enough that ripping the bandaid right off is his approach.
"I...put an offer on our old house when I went back home. It's kind of a wreck cause it's been empty since-" he hesitates just a moment before he pushes through it. "Since they died, but um...y-you want to move in with me?"
On reflection, he probably should have. Given the brochure, his talk about all of the people he knows back home, how he's remaking his life-
But he's caught.
He's caught between the sweet, gentle lie and the terrible truth. He's caught behind a door he knows he'll never exit.
Which is why he swallows, clearly allows Hanna to see him to process it, and finally nods. It takes a try or two for his face to make the right shape that he wants as he finds Hanna's eyes, suddenly glad for two layers of glass in between.
"I'd want to make sure that the real estate agent isn't upselling to you on the grounds of nostalgia, of course, and see about getting us a more appropriate home while the repairs are being done since we certainly shouldn't live there while it's being made liveable... but I didn't have any plans to go elsewhere, truthfully."
He's not going anywhere. But at least Hanna can dream.
It's about now, scanning the other man's face nervously that Hanna realizes that he hasn't taken a shower since last month and he feels like he's sweating through his shirt.
A plus execution, Cross.
He really hopes he doesn't look as pathetic as he feels at this very moment, until there is an anxious, surprised bubble of a laugh that fills the quiet as Vincent nods an affirmative.
"Yeah?" It's more quiet than he meant it, clearing his throat. "You'd probably know way more about property management and renovations than I do, so that'd be...yeah." It's lucky for Vincent that he can't quite look him in the eyes that he misses the flicker of emotion before it's gone. "Awesome."
"Also financial management," he adds with a wry little smile, "so I hope you'll let me assist in that once we start our life together."
He mentally tallies in the need to carefully show some of these things to Hanna so that when the inevitable happens, he'll still be all right. It won't be as good as if he was there to do the work for him, but he won't be entirely at the mercy of contractors.
"I will have you know I got a D in algebra 2 and I failed Trig." He tells him with only a small amount of shame. "So when you inevitably give up trying to teach me you can't say I didn't warn you."
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Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
It feels strange admitting it outloud. "Because that sounds like the better option."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
And also- "Oh my god...you did do that again, didn't you?" Hanna says having forgot he had pets for the last twenty minutes. This is why he needed pets that don't actually require food to live.
"And I didn't even say thank you. Geez..."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
He's getting kissed on the nose. Payment.
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
He sputters a little, pushing at Vincent with little effort as he pretends he doesn't enjoy it, "Okay, Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it, and maybe I'm scared because I might go through all the effort and motions to fix it, a-and ask for help, bother someone and then it doesn't fucking work and I've not only got my own hopes up, I've wasted someones time." Which he adds in one, quick breath.
"Maybe."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
He knows both Sokie and Erskine well enough that he's sure between the two of them there could be a solution. Hell, Bashir and Tendi could probably help him the same way Worth could and just grow him some new fucking organs, but peaking behind the curtain of 'what if it fails' reveals the quieter fear of putting himself first and doing so for an extended period of time.
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
He will lean forward and give him a kiss though, bumping noses with him, "might be nice though, show off a little collarbone without flashing a staple."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
"You can remove my 'whimsy' with crowbar and nothing less. It's one of my many survival mechanisms."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
"Maybe that's why we get on so well. We've got that shit nailed over all the doors and windows like a barricade."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
A short squeeze.
"And 'fear' is how you get to courage, Hanna. If you aren't afraid and you do something terribly harrowing, that just makes you stupid, not brave."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
"I could argue you could do something harrowing without fear and not be stupid, but then you have to look at experience. But I really am not the person to be arguing my own case for stupidity versus bravery." He's gotten worlds better than where he started, but impulse still fuels him despite the fact that he does actually ask for help these days.
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
"Anything else percolating up there?"
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
There definitely is, but he'd been a little too afraid to ask before. It feels less scary now, though scary enough that ripping the bandaid right off is his approach.
"I...put an offer on our old house when I went back home. It's kind of a wreck cause it's been empty since-" he hesitates just a moment before he pushes through it. "Since they died, but um...y-you want to move in with me?"
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
Not what he was expecting. Not hardly.
On reflection, he probably should have. Given the brochure, his talk about all of the people he knows back home, how he's remaking his life-
But he's caught.
He's caught between the sweet, gentle lie and the terrible truth. He's caught behind a door he knows he'll never exit.
Which is why he swallows, clearly allows Hanna to see him to process it, and finally nods. It takes a try or two for his face to make the right shape that he wants as he finds Hanna's eyes, suddenly glad for two layers of glass in between.
"I'd want to make sure that the real estate agent isn't upselling to you on the grounds of nostalgia, of course, and see about getting us a more appropriate home while the repairs are being done since we certainly shouldn't live there while it's being made liveable... but I didn't have any plans to go elsewhere, truthfully."
He's not going anywhere. But at least Hanna can dream.
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
A plus execution, Cross.
He really hopes he doesn't look as pathetic as he feels at this very moment, until there is an anxious, surprised bubble of a laugh that fills the quiet as Vincent nods an affirmative.
"Yeah?" It's more quiet than he meant it, clearing his throat. "You'd probably know way more about property management and renovations than I do, so that'd be...yeah." It's lucky for Vincent that he can't quite look him in the eyes that he misses the flicker of emotion before it's gone. "Awesome."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin
He mentally tallies in the need to carefully show some of these things to Hanna so that when the inevitable happens, he'll still be all right. It won't be as good as if he was there to do the work for him, but he won't be entirely at the mercy of contractors.
"Lucky for you, my skill set is transferable."
Re: Friday morning - Hanna's cabin